We’ve all experienced inner thoughts such as “You’re not working hard enough”, “That was so stupid”, “What a dumb thing to say.” Even if we don’t realize in the moment how mean we’re being to ourself, those thoughts have an impact on our self-image.
We all experience this voice from time to time. But for some of us the voice may be louder, or has been there for a very long time. But you can learn to think differently and change the way you speak to yourself.
Here are five ways to work on changing negative self-talk:
1. Explore: Where did this inner dialog come from? Sometimes we’ve internalized the way a caregiver used to speak to us; or we’ve absorbed the pressure to be perfect in everything we do.
Ask, where did I learn to talk to myself this way?
2. Analyze: What function does my negative self-talk serve? Is it to motivate me to do something differently? Is it to protect me from shame and embarrassment? Or is it just bringing me down?
3. Challenge: When you notice you’re engaging in negative self-talk, try to reframe the thought. If you think, “I’m not doing enough, I could try harder” say, “That’s not true. I’m doing my best with the energy I have.”
4. Refocus: What did you do today that you’re proud of? We tend to focus on all the negative things we did. Spend some time reflecting on the things you did well or are proud of.
5. Affirm: This may feel cheesy at first but it can help rewire your thoughts. Think about what your negative self-talk is telling you about yourself, and say to yourself the opposite every single day.
Changing these thinking patterns and developing more positive self-talk can take time. Give yourself grace when you’re learning a new way to think. Seeking the guidance of a therapist can make the process a little easier. Together you can safely explore how your negative thoughts started and how to heal and grow.