Tag: Mary Olivia Verhulst

Blog

Surviving vs. Living and Thriving

Post author By Consultant
Post date 3:43 pm

Mary Olivia Verhulst

Often living in a bustling city like Manhattan translates to surviving, or just getting by. Ever feel like you’re just looking to get through the day ahead, one hour at a time, and the rest of the week feels daunting or far off? Or like every unexpected turn in the day adds to an urgent and unsettling checklist? While these “survival mode” characteristics are more tangible and easier to describe, others include feelings of overwhelming anxiety, denial, avoidance, disconnection and numbness.

The city, and life itself, gives us plenty of good reasons to keep busy – so we think. It’s easy to justify our survival mode with all the great reasons to be just hanging on by a thread and avoid prioritizing ourselves (work, family, making time for our partner, dating, socializing, school, homework, check lists). Often by the time we’re done rationalizing or compartmentalizing our feelings away and committed to the art of survival, when we do tune back in, we find ourselves anxious, burnt out, stressed and sad.

Do some or all of the above sound familiar? Here are some tips to transition your survival mode to living and thriving mode:

Have a kind curiosity toward yourself, always. Ask yourself questions like, “is this relationship or job that is exhausting me, still serving me?” “Am I acting with love and empathy for myself, or only for others?”
Identify your needs and ask for help. This can be as simple as listening to your body or mind telling you something feels wrong, and moving from there. Often we forget that we’re not supposed to be doing it all on our own. Help is waiting when you need it!
Shake up your routine. Implement more things that feel colorful, creative or freeing, and shake off the dead skin activities that feel more obligatory or monotonous.
Take it slower. Not everything is urgent. The world won’t crumble if you take a mental health day, or don’t finish your to-do list on time.
Practice being mindful. Whether it’s mindful eating, breathing or noticing, bring some awareness to the here and now before it all passes you by. Often when we’re moving too fast from one thing to the next, we forget the purpose in coming to these things in the first place.

We have therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness committed to helping you shift away from survival mode into a thriving mode. Experience relief. Call, text or email us.

Tags Mary Olivia Verhulst, Surviving vs. Living and Thriving

Blog

3 Steps to Understanding Your Mental Health

Post author By Consultant
Post date 3:35 pm

Mary Olivia Verhulst

“I usually don’t talk about my depression, or that part of my life. I don’t want to let it define me.”

Symptoms that impede optimal mental health can feel like a debilitating, overwhelming battle, 24 hours of the day and 7 days of the week- but let’s not make the battle between our journey and ourselves. Being in the journey, as opposed to an outsider looking in or down on, allows for an entirely different experience: education, understanding, and compassion for ourselves.

In a world that offers resources on every corner, webpage, social media outlet, workplace or college campus, choose the option of understanding yourself in a way you haven’t before. Avoiding the realness of the symptoms that impeded mental health make it feel an enemy of sorts. Working on yourself provides insight to a world that is your own, and you can be part of it as opposed to an outsider looking in. You can welcome your challenges with the hope of learning new skills, healing and growing.

The goal of understanding your mental health is to learn to feel more in tune with your identity. Try the following steps to check in with yourself:

1.) Tune in. What are your symptoms? What are your feelings? What are your thoughts? All of these things are different- and none of them are who we are. Thoughts and feelings are temporary, but we must be able to process them in order to learn from them.

2.) Don’t compare your struggle or trauma to others. Often when we get in the business of comparing, we downplay our pain or struggle because ‘others have it worse.’ Trauma and illness are not a contest, and this won’t help rationalize your pain away. Your pain is real and deserving of time and attention.

3.) Consider help from a professional. Sometimes symptoms that impeded your mental health can leave us feeling helpless and hopeless- we feel as if we can’t fix this, no one can. However- as it turns out, we weren’t meant to do life all on our own, and there is hope for you. Support is here when you need it to explore the roots to your symptoms, develop coping techniques, and find relief in proactive solutions. People DO want to hear your story and help you regain control and thrive.

Experience relief. Call, text or email us. We are here to help. Contact us today for individual or couples therapy. If our clinicians are not the right fit for you, we can help refer you to someone that will be a good fit.

Tags Mary Olivia Verhulst, Understanding Your Mental Health

Blog

8 Ways to Navigate Getting Mental Health Treatment Like a #Boss

Post author By Consultant
Post date 3:28 pm

Mary Olivia Verhulst

Therapy can feel intimidating when you don’t know how to navigate the system. However, the feeling of hopelessness that individuals face who can’t find the right help because they don’t know which questions to ask, or where to go, is too common and needs to be addressed. What’s going wrong, and what can we do as providers to help?

We’ve heard the horror stories. You finally work up the courage to find a therapist, and every email or call you place is met with one of the following:

“No availability past 5 PM”
“We don’t take your insurance”
Or worse no reply back!

Here are some tips on how not to get lost in the system:

Go in knowing what you need. This might be the hardest part- how often do we really have conscious awareness of our emotional and physical needs in a given moment? You don’t need to know everything going on with you – often that’s why we go to therapy in the first place. But take some time before you get on the phone to examine what your pressing needs are toward your mental health, and what barriers have been in your way. Simply stating I need help managing a recent break-up or I’ve been struggling with panic attacks or anxiety is enough.
Research the different types of clinics. Would your needs be best suited in a group, hospital, clinic, or a solo private practice setting? If your needs are not life threatening, you may imagine yourself in an outpatient setting or a private practice for one on one therapy.
Ask for resources and referrals – most practices have them! If your Google and Psychology Today profile hunt has hit a dead end, ask providers that you do reach for fitting referrals, such as “low cost resources in Manhattan”.
Get creative with your timing. Typically the after work, 5 PM to 9 PM time slots fill up quickly. Don’t forget to ask if there’s weekend availability, or lunchtime availability. Your standard psychotherapy session is 45 minutes. Is there room in your work day for an appointment? It’s important that you prioritize your mental health.
Try teletherapy. There are some providers and groups that may be able to offer secure video sessions. This may be a convenient alternative if your schedule presents as an obstacle.
Don’t get lost in the jargon of it all. Different theoretical approaches and perspectives to therapy can feel overwhelming and confusing to someone not in the field. Here’s a secret: You’re not expected to know! Ask your therapist what their approach means to them, and what it can mean for you in session. Often your curiosity and honesty will make for the best experience in therapy. After many years research has shown that the most important ingredient for therapy success is the fit or relationship between the therapist and patient so focus on whether the therapist is the right fit for you.
Insurance. This may be one of the areas with the greatest degree of difficulty. All insurance plans are required to cover mental health visits. The question becomes whether the provider is an in-network or out-of-network provider. Because insurance companies place numerous restrictions on providers many providers prefer not sign insurance contracts. Once you are able to speak to a provider he/she/they will be able to break-down all of the insurance details and other payment options.
Don’t get discouraged. While it is true that even in therapist haven NYC there is a shortage of therapists armed with this information you can find hope that you will find a good fit for your needs.

Experience relief. Call, text or email us. We are here to help you find the right fit. Contact us today for individual or couples therapy. If our clinicians are not the right fit for you, we can help refer you to someone that will be a good fit.

Tags Mary Olivia Verhulst, Navigate Getting Mental Health Treatment

Blog

Invest in Therapy, Increase Your Income? A New Study Says So!

Post author By Consultant
Post date 3:00 pm

Mary Olivia Verhulst

It’s a common fact that if you invest your money wisely – you’ll become richer. But studies now show, this doesn’t always mean investing in the stock market. Investing in your mental health can make you richer too!

There are several mental, psychological and physical barriers that have been researched and explored that prevent individuals from ultimately seeking therapy. Stigma is often a significant barrier to getting the right care for their mental wellbeing. One topic that has received some recent spotlight in the field is money and therapy. A recent study looked at both the effects of psychotherapy on mental health measured via a general health questionnaire, and it’s relation to income. The British Household Panel Survey (BHPS) collected data between 1995 and 2008. This survey observed the characteristics and decisions of 2,943 men and 5,064 women. The participants were randomly selected so that they statistically represented a much larger UK population” (The Conversation Journal, 2018). Results showed clear findings that psychotherapy contributes to higher improvements and satisfaction in mental health, as well as, increased income.

Taking the BHPS research further, findings show that gender played a statistically relevant role in the data. As it turns out, men reported benefiting economically more significantly from psychotherapy services than women. Specifically, data showed that men experienced an increase of 13% in their income within the next year after consulting psychotherapy services, with women’s income increase at 8%. Of the 13 years of data that was examined, approximately 23% of women entered into therapy and 15% of men. This is all to say – men out there, if you are reading this (it’s not too late) – it’s not always the easiest thing to come meet with a stranger and open up about your feelings, but it’s worth it. If you can allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable, you’ll be able to make improvements in several aspects of your life. Therapy is a strong and positive force to be reckoned with, and now one that translates into more confidence and increased income! Psychotherapy can also help to healthier relationships, increase motivation levels, productivity, and work-life balance.

One reason that may help explain the gender difference in increased income may be the gender wage gap decomposition. A decomposition is used to explain how factors affect the difference in earnings between men and women. Ultimately here the decomposition shows that psychotherapy accounts for 2% of the 5% difference between men and women’s boost in earnings – even though more women than men seek treatment. The article highlights an important and real phenomenon that is happening in this world still today, and cannot be fixed by psychotherapy alone, but by a system at large, and that is discriminatory workplace values.

So, what really qualifies as ‘richer’? If you’re someone who considers wealth to be emotional awareness, loving yourself, and a strong support system- therapy will hit all of these points. And if you consider wealth to be enough money in your pocket to thrive and be comfortable, looks like therapy has you covered there too!

Have more interest in this topic? Here’s the link (http://theconversation.com/psychotherapy-can-make-you-richer-especially-if-you-are-a-man-107628) the study.

Tags Increase Your Income, Invest in Therapy, Mary Olivia Verhulst

Blog

5 Ways to Enjoy Self-Care Again

Post author By Consultant
Post date 2:21 pm

Mary Olivia Verhulst

Self-care is trending. Everyday there’s a new “change your life” technique involving organic face masks, bath salts, or a massage. In fact, it has become so trendy, it’s integrated itself into everyday conversation, and standard morning and evening routines for so many individuals. This is a great thing, ideally- but people are beginning to forget the purpose.

Does creating space everyday for self-care ultimately mean that you’re “good” at it? Are you getting the most out of your self-care routine? Creating time for yourself with the purpose of prioritizing yourself is not something to be good or bad at. However, there is a difference between setting aside time for ourselves because we think we should, or simply out of habit, and actually being present and immersed in our down time. It’s great to dedicate enough time for ourselves in the midst of a chaotic week, but it’s more important to focus on what we do during that time to cultivate peace, stability and curiosity. There is a loss of purpose when we take time for ourselves, but our mind is in eight other places when doing so. The key to effective self-care is to be mindful.

Mindful self-care increases our quality of “me time.” Craving tips for how to increase the quality of your self-care time? Try the following:

Examine your routine. Which parts do you still enjoy, if at all? Explore what’s working and what isn’t. Ultimately, if we are ever-evolving, our self-care routine should be too.
Implement new activities. If we know exercise works for us, but our typical cardio routine has become boring or outdated, what would a new bike riding or hot yoga class look like on Sunday?
Make a list of things you’ve been wanting to try during your “me time,” but haven’t gotten around to. Know that this kind of list is a fun list to check off over time, and that there isn’t an anxious need to do all of these activities at once, or at all. Keep these activities mindfully on the back burner for when there is time.
Try something different. Do we really need to be watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns? Time to begin engaging in the act of exploring something new, and stepping out of the comfort zone.
Reframe your self-care time. Instead of this being something you have to do for the sake of your sanity, what would it look like to make this time more joyful and worth setting aside for?

And always remember self-care can be no activity at all, simply sitting quietly for 15 minutes, no phones, no distractions, doing ‘nothing’ is also self-care. By trying these tips, it’s likely that your self-care routine can feel rejuvenated and revitalized. Try to enjoy taking care of yourself as the thing that you want to do again.

If self-care is something that you’re struggling with – Experience relief. Call, text or email us. We are here to help. Contact us today for individual or couples therapy. If our clinicians are not the right fit for you, we can help refer you to someone that will be a good fit.

Tags 5 Ways to Enjoy Self-Care Again, Enjoy Self-Care, Mary Olivia Verhulst

Blog

5 Steps to Eliminate the ‘Should’s’

Post author By Consultant
Post date 8:52 pm

By Mary Olivia Verhulst

Have you found yourself thinking, “I should have a job already, I can’t believe it’s taking this long,” or “Everyone else around me has a partner. I should have found someone by now” or “I should be able to get on a plane without being afraid.”?

In the world of psychology and counseling, ‘should-statements’ are considered negative self-talk. They are a type of negative thinking pattern that contributes to fear and worry. This type of faulty thinking typically surfaces in phrases that include the words “should,” “ought,” or “must.” Using this negative self-talk often shuts individuals down and creates a world of isolation and disappointment. Ultimately, shoulds take away our autonomy to listen to ourselves and create a life without feeling societal pressure to live up to certain ideals.

There is also a societal pressure that by certain ages in our lives, we ‘should’ have accomplished certain life goals. For instance, the distorted misrepresentation that by age 22 we ‘should’ have graduated from college, created a five year plan, picked a career choice and should be finding/have found the ideal mate.

Allowing others to create an image of what we should be doing is a perfectionist ideal, and also contributes to countless self-defeating patterns and behaviors. It cripples our wellbeing one ‘should’ at a time. However, there are ways to decrease the shoulds in your life.

Eliminating the “Should”

1.) Pay attention to yourself. Start writing down every should statement that you can catch during the day.

2.) Identify your triggers. Jot down where you were when that thought occurred, and later make associations between the statement and the cue that allowed for it.

3.) Break down these statements. At its root, should statements are cognitive distortions. Ask yourself – is this realistic for my own individual circumstances? Am I being kind, and patient toward myself as I would a friend?

4.) Now, make them into more kind statements toward yourself- more realistic and positive. Repeat these as a mantra. Suddenly, our ‘should’s’ become simple possibilities, instead of failed expectations

5.) Prioritize your life. Try to stop asking yourself what you should be doing, and start asking yourself what is more important to you right now. Which one aligns with your values more? Specific context is important.

It’s time to stop should-ing all over yourself. The language you use to speak to others, and yourself, matters. By using more positive, accepting language towards yourself, you can elevate your self-awareness as well as signal to you and those around you that YOU are in charge of your own life.

If you’re struggling with should statements, we are here to help. Contact us today for individual or couples therapy. If our clinicians are not the right fit for you, we can help refer you to someone that will be a good fit.