Author: Nathilee Caldeira

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The Connection Between The Therapeutic Alliance and Effectiveness of Therapy

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 11:58 am

As it turns out, the strength of the therapeutic alliance is indicative of the effectiveness of the clinical work.

“In my early professional years, I was asking the question, How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?” –Carl R. Rogers

As a therapist, you’re probably reading this crawling out of your seat, eager to fill in the blanks of what’s to come (who doesn’t love to discuss the power of the therapeutic relationship?) As a ‘veteran therapy patient’ with good therapist experiences, you’ll likely be nodding along as you go. And for a person who is curious about this whole therapy business, you may be wondering what the heck is so ‘sacred’ about this therapist-patient relationship?

If you’re in the world of therapy (in any capacity), it’s likely you have heard a thing or two about the therapeutic relationship, also referred to as the ‘therapeutic alliance’. A strong therapeutic alliance refers to the professional, boundaried and trusting relationship established between therapist and patient that serves as a ‘container’ for the therapeutic work. It includes the fundamental elements of clarity, collaboration, caring, respect, and mutual understanding of goals and processes.

Ask any therapist about the importance of this relationship and you’re bound to hear a mouthful (make sure to have some time on your hands). Many of us believe, myself included, that the strength of the therapeutic alliance is indicative of the effectiveness of the clinical work. In fact, research from the American Psychological Association (APA) Evidence-Based Relationships and Responsiveness Task Force shows “Better relationships with patients lead to better outcomes.” This article aims to demystify what the therapeutic relationship can actually mean for the therapeutic process.

In it’s 16 meta-analyses on elements of the therapeutic relationship, the APA task force concluded the following summary:

Agreeing upon goals, getting patient feedback and ability to effectively navigate and repair ruptures in the relationship are as vital to positive outcomes as treatment approach.
A good relationship allows the patient to connect with, commit to and thus, get the most results from therapy.
A strong therapy relationship allows the therapist to better attune to the clients needs and motivations, translating to the effectiveness of the approach.

Studies have indicated that the therapeutic alliance may be therapeutic to some degree in and of itself, regardless of further interventions. Therapy takes place first and foremost within the context of a relationship. Similarly, many of the issues that bring patients through the door happen within the context of the relationships in their lives. In this way, we are conditioning toward creating the possibility of a ‘safe’ relationship forming from the first moment of contact, which ultimately ideally translates to the patient recognizing that safe relationships are in fact, possible for them. “A solid therapeutic relationship teaches clients that they can continue to stay close to those they are vulnerable with. It makes outcomes more long lasting, and increases their nervous system’s awareness and tolerance for the discomfort that growth brings. It eventually may alert their nervous system to the difference between an unsafe situation versus one that is safe”, says Eden Below, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Clinical Supervisor at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness P.C.

In my training, I was taught that the quality of the therapy begins and ends with the quality of the therapeutic alliance. Without it, there would be no foundation for the rest of the work to rely upon. This has only become more evident in my work with patients throughout my career, in all cases, but particularly in working with patients with sensitive issues such as trauma histories. Many individuals who enter the counseling door have come across great reason in their lives to feel as though they cannot fully trust others. Thus, the trust part of the relationship is the greatest responsibility and privilege a therapist can have. It is this same part that requires the therapist to bring their humanness into the room via genuine empathy and responsiveness. A therapist who effectively prioritizes the therapeutic alliance in their approach will also have the ability to professionally speak to dynamics unfolding between therapist and client, ability to lead in repairing conflict, as well as one that holds firm to boundaries for expectation management purposes (such as reliability and clarity, which sets the stage for consistent therapy work to unfold).

Checking in with other mental health experts and colleagues, I gathered some of their insights on the matter as well:

“As humans, we are wired to to connect to others for survival. When we feel securely attached to others, it provides the safety and groundwork for one to engage in deeper intimate relationships, reducing isolation and loneliness. The therapeutic relationship models secure attachment, creating a safe environment, allowing vulnerability, corrective emotional experiences and healthy boundaries, resulting in deeper work and collaborative healing.” – Tamar Tenenbaum, LMSW

“When a good therapeutic relationship is established in therapy it allows room for the client to openly discuss sensitive topics in a safe, sound and non-judgmental space. It encourages the client to be honest and truthful as they feel seen and understood. The client is then receptive to explore, gain awareness, process and heal from past traumas. This ultimately, leaves the client feeling empowered and open to change.” – Dianna Calderon-Triminio, LMHC

“When genuine human connection is formed in the therapeutic space, clients can feel safer to tap into their own vulnerability, take risks, and show up for themselves both within and between sessions in a way they might not otherwise learn to do.” – Ava Pollack, MA, LCMHC

As a client, one way to be proactive on your hunt for good therapy is considering fit. “Many people outside of the therapy “world” don’t realize how important fit between therapist and client is; as it is fit that creates the most meaningful and effective change. Finding a good fit takes time, effort and patience. If you feel like your therapist isn’t a good fit for you, it’s okay to try again with a different therapist. A good “fit” therapist should help you feel comfortable and instill hope in creating impactful change, and it is this hope that can also lead to healing. Before an initial phone consultation or intake, think about what’s important to you” says Dr. Debleena Das, Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She suggests asking yourself what your needs are in a therapy relationship, whether that be similar identifying factors and/or a willingness to understand and seek clarification if they are unfamiliar with an aspect of your identity, for examples.

Another way as a client one can engage meaningfully in creating a positive working alliance with your therapist is to consider, at your comfort level, to offer feedback to them. Nathilee A. Caldeira, Clinical Psychologist, Founder and CEO of Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness, P.C. states, “If a client does not feel respected and understood by their therapist, it is important that this is discussed as early as possible, as failure to address this rupture in alliance can risk negative outcomes. Addressing such issues early on in therapy may strengthen the relationship, bond, and alliance between client and therapist thus leading to better outcomes in short-term as well as long-term therapy.” Truth is, we want to hear it: the good, bad and the ‘ugly.’ Our top priority is understanding what is in your best interest.

References:
Horvath, A. O. (2001). The alliance. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 38(4), 365–372. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-3204.38.4.365

DeAngelis, T. (2019, November 1). Better relationships with patients lead to better outcomes. Monitor on Psychology, 50(10). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships

Martin, D. J., Garske, J. P., & Davis, M. K. (2000). Relation of the therapeutic alliance with outcome and other variables: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(3), 438–450. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.68.3.438

Originally published on ThriveGlobal.

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5 Major Challenges of Job and Career Transitions

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 2:06 pm

Layoffs. A tumultuous job market. An uncertain economy. Regardless of how–there’s no doubt that many professionals have recently encountered challenges in their careers and work life. Perhaps, you’re re-entering the workforce after the pandemic forced you out for a few years. Or maybe, you’ve decided that in pursuit of better work-life integration, or you want a whole new career in a new field, or you might be navigating a hybrid, remote, or in-person work schedule. Whatever the reason, starting a new job or career transition comes with plenty of uncertainty and anxiety.

What new or updated skills and technology will you have to learn? How do you deal with having to accept a lower salary than what you made previously? And what happens if after all the worry and change your new job ends up not being so secure after all? If any of these thoughts are keeping you up at night, you aren’t alone. Read on for a discussion on five of the most common challenges of job and career transitions and how to work through them.

Learning New Skills and Starting Over

Even if you aren’t completely switching careers, keeping up with new skills upon return to the workforce comes with a learning curve. And if you are changing fields, chances are you’re starting from scratch–or at least with less experience than your previous career. In order to stop that overwhelming, stressed-out feeling in its tracks, keep in mind throughout life you never stop learning. No one, including your new employer, will expect you to be an instant expert.

Financial Impacts

It used to be true that the more years of experience you had, the higher the salary you were likely to get paid. While that may be true in some fields, with the economy in a precarious place and an incredibly competitive job market, it isn’t always a guarantee. Your new job, or career field, might not pay the same as what you’d made previously, but remember why you’re making the change. Does it offer less stress? Does it give your more fulfillment? While money is important, there are some things it can’t buy.

Rebuilding and Growing Your Network

One of your greatest assets when it comes to progressing and transitioning throughout your career is your network. Former managers, colleagues, and other professional connections can help ease the stress that comes with job changes. As time goes on, people come and go, and roles evolve, make sure your network evolves with it. Something as simple as an introduction can do wonders for your nerves and increase future prospects.

Job Security

More and more, we see reports of people starting in new roles with new companies only to be laid off within a year or even a few months. Unfortunately, the same can also be said of employees with more established companies. To minimize their long-term risk, employers have been increasingly conservative with hiring and the level of staff they maintain. As unpleasant as the experience can be, remember that being laid off has nothing to do with you personally–it’s a business decision that affects you. To help ease the what-if anxiety, focus on what you can control–like building your network within that field and preparing financially, just in case.

Change Can Be Unnerving

Change isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t guarantee a bad or difficult experience. If you’re feeling uneasy, anxious, or super stressed about the changes and challenges of job and career transitions, make space to process those feelings. Moderate levels of stress are normal, good even. It can be the momentum that propels you forward to meet challenges and try new things. But if you find it to be more paralyzing than positive, consider talking to someone about how you’re feeling.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping you feel content and confident in your career transitions. Learn how to deal with stress and anxiety that can come with starting over in your professional life. Call, text, or email us.

If you found value in this article, consider sharing it on your favorite platform and tag us!

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Childhood Trauma: What to Know About Healing

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 8:00 am

Everyone has distinct memories from their childhood that stay with them all the way into adulthood. Maybe you clearly remember the first time you rode a bike. Or perhaps you can recall every detail of the day you graduated middle school. But what happens when those memories include trauma?

Unfortunately, childhood trauma is a fairly regular occurrence. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, more than two-thirds of children report at least one traumatic event by the time they’re 16. But before diving into how childhood trauma shows up in your adult life, we have to understand what it is.

Looking at childhood trauma through the lens of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) can paint a clearer picture of all the different ways people may have experienced a traumatic event(s). If you aren’t familiar with them, ACEs include commonly discussed experiences (or bearing witness to) of physical and/or emotional abuse and neglect, sexual abuse, and violence against a parent. But there are other experiences, like mental illness, substance abuse, or having a relative who has been sent to jail or prison, that can be equally impactful.

How childhood trauma shows up

Whether it was a single, isolated event, or an ongoing circumstance from your childhood, unresolved trauma finds a way of following you into adulthood. Many parts of your personal and professional life can be impacted.

Difficulty forming meaningful connections

If you learned from an early age you couldn’t rely on the people who were supposed to take care of you, it might be more comfortable to continue believing that as the rule and not the exception. This belief will stop you from forming meaningful connections in your life. Pushing people away and choosing to rely on yourself, and yourself alone, is just one example of unhealthy coping mechanism people use to feel safe, but actually does more harm than good.

Low self-esteem, self-worth, and lack of self-compassion

Regardless of your family’s intention, failing to care for you and not protecting you the way they should have, sent the message that you weren’t worth doing those things. Or maybe you felt like these occurred because you did something wrong or didn’t do enough right. The reality is their behavior and choices weren’t your fault. Leading with self-compassion and reframing these negative, untrue thoughts about yourself will make a world of difference.

Increased likelihood of depression and other mental health disorders

Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression can be symptoms of underlying unresolved, untreated childhood trauma. According to a Cleveland Clinic podcast, “Adults who experienced trauma as kids are much more susceptible to depression and mood disorders, as well as thoughts of suicide. They are also likely to abuse alcohol and other substances.”

See a professional

Acknowledging your trauma and recognizing your triggers are only pieces to the overall puzzle that is healing from childhood trauma. Working with a mental health professional to explore the circumstances and people who contributed to your experience is another essential piece.

There is nothing shameful about getting help, and healing isn’t something you have to do alone. Therapists have a whole other set of tools and treatments to aid you on your healing journey. From cognitive processing therapy to EMDR, there are many different approaches to healing from childhood trauma–together with your therapist, you will decide the best treatment for you.

No matter where you are in your life, it is never too early or too late to seek professional help. Understanding how your past shapes your current beliefs and reframing those beliefs to help you heal and feel more content with your life, is what everyone deserves–and nothing less.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping you understand and heal from your trauma. Learn how to reframe beliefs to help you lead a life filled with self-compassion. Call, text, or email us.

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Tags Childhood Trauma, Mental Illness

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Sources of Stress and Anxiety in the Modern World

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 8:00 am

In this day and age, it’s easy to get stressed out about one thing or another. Maybe you’re anxious about your finances, or perhaps you’re wondering if now is the right time to make that career change you’ve been putting off. Mix this in with the ever-growing mental health crisis, it can be stressful to even think about how to go about managing your anxiety. How will you pay for it? When can you make time to go therapy? What good will it actually do?

Before we dive into how to deal with different sources of stress and anxiety in the modern world, it’s essential to understand what is triggering these feelings in the first place. From an increasingly tenuous economic climate to an uncertain job market, it’s no wonder that the stress and anxiety of our modern world can get fairly heavy.

Economic concerns

With trouble in the banking and financial industries (that we haven’t seen since 2008), high inflation, and an overpriced housing market, concerns about the economy are undoubtedly contributing to our stress and anxiety.

We worry if the savings we have are safe. We stress about how long it will take us to feel secure enough to invest in a home. And, of course, with a swift end coming to the Covid-era student loan pause, 3.75 million millennials (who owe between $20,000- $40,000 on average) have yet another payment to factor into their budgets.

While there is a lot about these economic circumstances that we can’t control, there are ways to decrease this source of stress and anxiety. Get in touch with the places that you have a monthly payment with (think car loans, mortgages, medical bills, etc.) and ask about a deferment option or any hardship clauses available.

Worries about work

Whether you were hoping to pursue a new career or are concerned about the continuous mass layoffs, job security is definitely something that might be keeping you up at night.

But even if you’re planning on staying put at your current company, with the rise of working from home, it’s getting harder to navigate the expectations for when work stops and being at home starts. If you worry about finding the balance between your work life and home life, you aren’t the only one.

There are several ways to help ease these stresses and anxieties. Start off by making sure there is clear communication with your manager and team at work. You might assume they have certain expectations that aren’t realistic for you (even though you work remotely), but that might now actually be the case. After clearing up the expectations, it’s time for you to set and enforce boundaries. For example, if you’re off of work at 5 pm and you’ve clarified that the expectation is to log off at that time, resist the urge to send just one more message or respond to one more email.

What can you do?

Our modern world has made leaps and bounds in technology, healthcare, and the way we do life and business. But even better than that, in this day and age, society is accepting that mental health is health.

While there is still much to be done by advocating and educating about mental health conditions, the fact that people are willing to have these conversations makes a major difference. And even though millennials are diagnosed with mental health conditions more and more often, some of that is related to the fact that more and more people are seeking help.

Feeling stressed out and living with anxiety is a common experience, but that doesn’t mean you have to live the rest of your life that way. Focus on the things that are in your control, like making self-care a part of your daily routine or even seeking support from a therapist or mental health counselor.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping manage your stress and anxiety. Learn new coping strategies and how to set boundaries. Call, text, or email us.

If you found value in this article, consider sharing it on your favorite platform and tag us!

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Gift of A Mindful Mother’s Day

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 12:31 pm

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times. It’s the question that family, friends, and society pose every May. What do moms really want for Mother’s Day? Depending on the mom you ask, or even when you ask them, the answer will vary.

Breakfast in bed? Brunch with your family followed by visits with her mom and your mom? Flowers, handmade crafts, and a million pictures to memorialize how much you appreciate Mom on her special day? While all of these options might seem like the perfect fit (or at least what usually happens), is this really what moms want for Mother’s Day–more importantly, is it really what they need?

Even though it’s supposed to be a fun, enjoyable day with love, laughter, and relaxation, somehow, Mother’s Day still ends up being stressful. And if you’re a mom who has a complicated (or non-existent) relationship with your mom, or you’re a mother who has lost a child, the day can come with some very complex and overwhelming emotions.

No matter how you’re celebrating Mother’s Day this year, take time to be mindful of how you’re spending your time and make sure to make time for self-care as well. And for those who are planning the celebrations to commemorate this special day, encourage the mom you’re celebrating to take the lead and guide the day.

Mindfulness

Feel all the feelings

Just because Hallmark markets the day as all sunshine and rainbows, it doesn’t mean that realistically it will feel that way. And yes, there will be plenty of picture-perfect posts on all your social media channels, but remember, you’re only seeing a snapshot of someone’s day.

If you’re dealing with hard emotions like grief, or are angry, or sad, allow yourself to acknowledge and sit with them. Pushing these feeling down or trying to ignore them isn’t a strategy that will serve you. So give yourself the time and space to process.

Give yourself grace

Part of that process might be having a good cry. Or it might mean taking some time to yourself just to breathe, and that’s okay. Don’t feel like you have to over-schdule the day, and instead focus on yourself. You aren’t letting anyone down by taking care of yourself and your emotional needs.

Self-Care

Taking care of yourself, allows you to be a better caretaker to those you love. On a day when it’s supposed to be all about you, make sure to do what brings you peace. Being a mom doesn’t mean that you only live and exist for your children and family. You’re still an individual person with emotional, mental, and physical needs of your own.

Whether it’s journaling, walking, enjoying a bubble bath, or listening to your favorite playlist, engage in activities that leave you feeling content and relaxed. Practicing self-care on Mother’s Day is a great place to start, but it is an act of self-love you should add to your regularly scheduled program.

So when the question is asked, what do moms really want for Mother’s Day, instead of assuming you know, just take the time to ask. Don’t only focus on things you can buy them or plans you can make for them, ask what they need to enhance their calm. If they choose to be surrounded by family at brunch, celebrate with them, but if they opt for some alone time to be mindful and engage in self-care, don’t take it personally– because this choice is equally valid too.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping you process grief and use healthy strategies to cope with difficult moments. Learn how to make self-care and mindfulness part of your everyday routine. Call, text, or email us.

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5 Ways to Build Meaningful Connections in Adulthood

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 4:25 pm

People are social creatures. Of course, there are many times that we crave silence and quality alone time–the opportunity to disconnect. But overall, social interactions with our friends, family, work colleagues, and romantic partners are essential to our well-being, mental health outcomes, and growth.

In fact, a recent study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships cites, “In general, individuals who have more social interaction, engage in more vulnerable self-disclosure, and perceive greater responsiveness from others are less lonely and depressed,” Yes. Research supports that having meaningful connections supports your emotional and mental health.

So where do you go to create these meaningful connections? How do you find people to forge lasting bonds with? But most importantly, what can you do to build meaningful connections in your life? The good news is these connections come together in many different environments with all sorts of people. If you haven’t tried them already, consider these five different strategies to help you form safe, compassionate, healthy relationships in your life.

Active listening

Being an active listener isn’t just hearing the person you’re talking to. Active listening requires you to engage in the conversation. Asking questions, clarifying by paraphrasing, and reflecting on what was being discussed, demonstrates you are invested in what they have to say.

Be open and receptive to new connections

No matter if it’s in a social situation, at work, or in any new relationship, putting yourself out there can be a scary thing–especially if you’ve experienced toxic connections before. “Although safety and trust are often needed to feel comfortable enough sharing feelings or personal info with others, the opposite is also true,” Brian Levkovich, a Postdoctoral therapist with Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness P.C., shared. “This type of sharing, in the first place, may even lead to a sense of safety and trust,” he added.

Set boundaries (For yourself and your new connections)

This strategy is especially important for people who have experienced unhealthy, or even abusive relationships. Setting boundaries will look different for everyone, but keeping this top of mind from the get-go helps you identify the connections that are good for you and those you could do without.

For example, if you set boundaries within your relationship that maintain your autonomy and the other person asserts control where you asked them not to–that’s going to be a red flag. But red flags, or things that go wrong, aren’t the only behaviors you should pay attention to. When the connection is consistent, respectful, compassionate, and makes you feel good–that’s also a green flag worth celebrating.

Develop and improve your emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is rooted in empathy, understanding, and the ability to manage your feelings–yes, even those really hard ones. When you are able to understand other people on an emotional level, you’ll form a deeper connection. It’s not to say that you’ll always agree with the people in your life, but being able to see their point of view builds trust and mutual respect.

Redefine friendships and relationships

You know what they say–quality over quantity, and yes, this applies to the relationships you choose to invest in. Not every acquaintance will blossom into a quality connection. And having ‘a lot’ of friends doesn’t mean anything if these friendships are convenient.

It may take time to define what a healthy relationship feels like to you. Understanding when and how much you share with new people in your life can be scary, but is worthwhile. Levkovich supports this approach, “Completely and totally withholding all vulnerable aspects of ourselves will likely lead to greater difficulty connecting with people on a deeper level — something we all deserve”.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping you build healthy, fulfilling connections. Learn how to manage the stress and anxiety that comes with financial concerns and job security. Call, text, or email us.

If you found value in this article, consider sharing it on your favorite platform and tag us!

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How The Pandemic Impacted Women’s Financial Confidence

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 2:59 pm

The year 2020 came in with a bang. One, that we honestly could have done without, but nonetheless, changed everything. In fact, the world was so turned upside down that three years later we’re still having conversations about how the pandemic changed literally everything.

It changed the way we work. It changed the way we communicate. It even changed our finances and the way we handle our money. And like most societal changes, women have been impacted disproportionately.

From putting major life milestones on hold, to even pushing back when they plan to retire, the impacts the pandemic had on women’s confidence in their finances have been life changing.

Changes in personal life

Even before the pandemic, the idea of ‘adulting’ had drastically changed. With many young adults already living through the 2008 financial crisis and being burdened with overwhelming student loan debt, many of these milestones had already been delayed.

Putting off starting a family

No matter how you choose to start your family (through natural means, adoption, or fertility treatments) it’s a major expense. And it’s not a ‘one-and-done’ expense either. Recent data suggests the average cost of raising a child (to age 18) can run just over $300,000.00.

Putting off purchasing a home

Between an overpriced housing market, skyrocketing interest rates, and general financial health–women aren’t jumping into homeownership. Again, in addition to the extra costs that come with owning a home, even qualifying for a loan is a stressful endeavor.

The pandemic highlighted a financial pain point that went from a ‘what-if’ situation to a reality. Job loss happens often, and it can happen to anyone–financial security will outweigh homeownership every time. At the end of the day, what good is a home if you can’t afford to live in it?

Impacts on mental and physical health

Excessive worry and uncertainty about your financial situation doesn’t just wear on your physical health, it can also wear on your mental health. The financial impacts rippling from the pandemic are still very much felt to this day.

Whether it’s unexpected childcare costs or the ever-growing cost of everything from eggs to gas, women everywhere are feeling the pressure. Excess stress is detrimental to our overall health, but what happens when it’s too expensive to get medical care or mental health treatment? It’s a catch-22. Women’s anxiety can be triggered by financial stress, but then they don’t have the financial means to take good care of their health.

Changes to professional life

The pandemic didn’t just impact women’s financial confidence at home, but it significantly impacted their careers, earning potential, and even retirement plans.

Job loss or change in job status

According to the National Women’s Law Center, since February 2020 women in the United States have lost more than 5.4 million net jobs. Much of the time women ended up dropping out of the workforce to fulfill caretaking roles within their families. And while this work is just as, if not more, important–it’s also unpaid work. So on one hand, while they weren’t able to contribute financially to their household currently, the impacts go beyond the present day and affect their retirement savings as well as social security benefits later on.

Women are waiting longer to retire

No matter how much you love your job, no one wants to have to work forever. However, the unexpected, unprecedented financial impacts of the pandemic disrupted ‘retirement goals’ that otherwise had been fairly set in stone.

As mentioned, many women were forced out of work because of precarious childcare (or other caretaking) situations. So not only is there a pause and delay when it comes to continuing their career, this ripple effect also pushes back the date they’re able to retire. Additionally, not only are women unlikely to still be contributing to their retirement during times of unemployment, they may even dip into their existing retirement savings to make up for lost income.

The pandemic impacted women’s financial confidence in several ways, it’s important to talk about it and seek help and support to navigate moving forward.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping regain and strengthen your confidence and coping strategies. Learn how to manage the stress and anxiety that comes with financial concerns and job security. Call, text, or email us.

If you found value in this article, consider sharing it on your favorite platform and tag us!

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Why Work-Life Balance Isn’t Realistic for Women

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 12:32 pm

Life in the professional lane always promises a challenge. Sometimes it’s learning new skills to level up your career. Other times it looks more like having to change literally everything about the way you work (thank you, global pandemic). But what many women discover is that while their work-life is ever evolving, this evolution leaves little space for the other 16 hours in the day. You know, when life is happening. Anyone who has experienced this knows that it feels overwhelming at best, and completely impossible at worst.

Finding a ‘balance’ between your professional life and everything that happens outside your 9 to 5 is touted as the key to making it all work. Feeling stressed or overwhelmed? How is your work-life balance? The gurus will ask. But is there really such a thing? When you find that life outside of work is really taking a toll, how easy is it really to just balance things out by scaling back? How often are work-life and the rest of your life really treated equally?

This is where work-life integration comes into play. Work-life integration is discussed by Stephen Kohler, CEO and founder of Audira Labs as “..centered on the belief that there is no distinction between the two (work and life) and that both must coexist in harmony,” Many women who play additional roles outside of work will know this sounds much more realistic than trying to balance everything equally.

The Invisible Workload of Women

Women who are parents or caregivers step out of one ‘work role’ only to step directly into another. You know, the job that is taking care of other people (usually at their own expense).

When we talk about the invisible workload of women, we’re referring to the emotional, mental, and sometimes physical burdens they carry for their entire families. “On top of working outside the home and/or being a homemaker, women often have to take on additional emotional labor in ways that their male counterparts don’t,” Zainah Ben Essa, LMHC, explains. “And because many workplaces and environments are male-dominated and originated in patriarchal norms, the structures in place aren’t usually conducive to women’s needs,” she adds.

And while women face these challenges and additional workloads at home, they also face similar problems at work. For example, being a woman in the workplace is synonymous with going above and beyond to make up for a perceived downfall that comes with also being a mom. If I have to take a slightly extended lunch break to get my kids to their dentist appointment, then I should probably stay online longer (than my work hours) to show my boss I’m committed.

While it’s an unspoken phenomenon, many employers expect their employees to leave personal things at home while they’re at work. And when we say employees, what we really mean is women. Because how often is a man reminded to keep an eye on the clock when they have to go to their child’s event at school during the workday? They aren’t. They are celebrated for being involved and great parents, compared to moms who are just expected to do it all.

How to Practice Work-Life Integration

Like the illusion of work-life balance, asking employees to leave their life at home isn’t realistic. So how can you practice work-life integration with your employer?

Flexibility as the rule, not the exception

When you are first hired, at regular performance check-ins, or really, anytime you’re asked to provide feedback, stress that flexibility is the rule, not the exception. If you need to go to a therapy session mid-day, you should have the flexibility to do so (even if it means taking sick time for a doctor’s appointment). You might not always be able to schedule time before or after work–that’s just how life works. And when you do go and take better care of your emotional and mental health, you’ll be less stressed, more focused, and better able to do your work.

Don’t take work home with you

Whether you work in your company’s physical location or work from home, when you’re done for the day, it’s time to unplug. This means setting important boundaries for yourself and for your employer. For example, even though, ideally, you’re reaching a point where work and life peacefully coexist, it doesn’t mean your employer gets access to you 24/7. Leave your computer in a different room. Do not add your work email to your personal device. Take time to rest and recharge.

Use your time off

Unlimited PTO is a benefit many employers offer to entice new talent while contributing to the illusion of work-life balance. And while they won’t directly come out and say it, it may feel like unlimited doesn’t really mean unlimited. Stay in regular communication with your managers. As long as you are getting the work done, take your time off as you need it. If you can prevent yourself from becoming burnt out, not only is it best for you as a person, but your employer will likely benefit as well with increased productivity.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping you set boundaries in your professional and personal life. Learn strategies to practice work-life integration to help you find contentment. . Call, text, or email us.

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The Right Way To Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 4:35 am

Even though January felt like it lasted forever, and only 14 days into February, Hallmark is ready to get the party started. Yes, Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching. And along with the holiday comes mountains of unnecessary stress, pressure, and expectations for the day to be all hearts and flowers. But, after all, isn’t this the right way to celebrate Valentine’s Day?

You know the rom-com stereotypes–a romantic dinner for two, picking up flowers for her, and buying jewelry for him. But really, all you want to do is spend quality time with them. And you wonder, could it actually be that simple? If these Valentine’s Day traditions are what you feel comfortable with, then by all means. But if you’re wondering, are we celebrating Valentine’s Day in the best way?

The answer is that the right way to celebrate Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to include the hustle and bustle that capitalism has conditioned us to believe is the only way. Today, we’re going to talk about different ways to celebrate those you love most by using their love language and alternatives to the day for less stress, more fun, and of course, lots of love.

Share The Love: Learning Your Partners Love Language

When you’re making Valentine’s Day plans with your partner, how do you decide what to do? Consider skipping the overhyped, super expensive go-to’s and instead opt for showering each other with love in ways that speak to you.

Do you know what your partner’s love language is? If you aren’t sure, take a look at different examples, and feel free to borrow some of these ideas to incorporate into your Valentine’s Day plans.

Words of Affirmation

Some people like to receive love via words of praise, encouragement, and admiration. Try writing your partner a poem or even just a note, not just about how much you love them, but all the things you love about them.

Acts of Service

This type of love language is for the person who appreciates when someone else does something for them. Plan a surprise for them or make them a romantic dinner at home. Yes, even if you aren’t doing the actual cooking, taking the time to set the scene and enjoy a less chaotic evening is a great way to show your Valentine your love for them.

Gifts

Receiving something special from someone special is what drives this love language. Keep in mind it doesn’t have to be something expensive to get the message across. For example, something small like the gift of a candle is a gift that keeps on giving. Not only do you know they love candles, but it also promotes relaxation, tranquility, and stress relief.

Physical Touch

Who doesn’t like a loving embrace or the small gesture of holding hands? For some people, that physical interaction is the best way to love your partner. Maybe, for Valentine’s Day, consider spending the night in and enjoying a movie together. You can have your popcorn, entertainment, and snuggles on the couch too!

Quality Time

Spending quality time with your partner isn’t just something you should do on Valentine’s Day. Honestly, giving them your undivided attention will speak volumes. That can look like turning off the screen time and putting your phone down to focus on the person sitting in front of you.

Self-Care: Shower Yourself with Love and Care

Now that we’ve talked about the right ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day with your partner, we’d be remiss to not talk about how practicing self-care on Valentine’s Day (and every day) is a non-negotiable.

Practicing self-care is a great way to love yourself. When you prioritize your emotional, mental, and physical health, you flourish in all areas of your life. The best part is that you don’t have to spend the day at a spa or spend tons of money to do this. Take time for yourself to read, journal, practice gratitude, or maybe even book a therapy session.

Our therapists here at Let’s Talk Psychological Wellness are committed to helping you build strong relationships. Strengthen your communication skills and set boundaries to help you thrive in any relationship. Call, text, or email us.

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How To Use Resentment As Information In Your Relationship

Post author By Nathilee Caldeira
Post date 1:30 pm

If you’re someone who often feels resentment in their relationships and friendships- this therapist has a message for you.

Resentment, like trauma, can occur both as a result of something being done to us- as well as not getting enough of something we need in relationships. Resentment is a multi-layered experience involving anger, disappointment and bitterness. It’s a feeling often resulting from a need repeatedly being unmet or denied, and a relational experience lacking resolution.

Resentment likes to linger underneath the surface, eroding the foundations of the relationship away the longer it goes unspoken- and it’s been known to grow quietly in the dark. At times it can feel like recycled anger- cyclic in some ways as a previous experience feels re-injured because it’s not receiving the proper acknowledgement it deserves. This can happen for many reasons.

I often talk with patients about resentment as valuable information around one of the following three things happening:

Uncommunicated, unrealistic or unmet expectations
A perceived imbalance or unfairness in the relationship that lacks resolution
Behaviors that keep us abandoning our boundaries: People pleasing behaviors, codependency patterns, conflict avoidance, or saying ‘yes’ resentfully instead of authentically.

Sometimes we may even carry the feeling with us long after a relationship or experience has ended. Holding on to resentment may give us a perceived control over a situation that may have lacked control in the moment for us, perhaps like we are now punishing them in some ways.

In reality, holding on to resentment keeps us in a pattern of feeling controlled by our anger, disempowered and sometimes trapped in past experiences.

So, how do we speak to our resentment? What do we do with it? How can we prevent it from growing once we do feel the signs of resentment popping up in our relationship? Catch a few things to consider below.

How to work on releasing patterns of resentment:

1. Self- awareness:

Being self- aware in this context can look like checking in with yourself to be able to identify the signs of resentment in your relationship which look like the following: chronic irritability or hostility, rumination over their behaviors, passive aggression, self-blame, feeling in fight or flight mode all the time, disconnection and more.

Self awareness may also include seeing a therapist to investigate the origins of the pain and bring light to certain relational patterns, as well as exploring expectation management in relationships.

2. Communication on core issues:

Resentment is fundamentally fed by avoidance. Sometimes we believe the other person should know better or should be able to mind-read us so we avoid talking about X. Other times we give up on finding resolution over X because it feels like we’ve already communicated it about a hundred times. The fact of the matter is- whenever there is a recurring issue in any relationship, something is not being heard or understood. This might mean approaching something distinctly different, rather than going into the conversation again with the same exact tools we’ve been using.

3. Being open to a new narrative existing:

Through reflection, insight and communication, we may arrive at a place where we are presented with new information on the issue that we did not have before. Sometimes the most difficult thing is creating space for that information to be integrated in, and being open to seeing the situation in a new or more holistic light. This may look like using empathy to better understand the other person’s position, knowing that two different (but valid) experiences are often happening at the same time during misunderstanding and conflict.

4. Forgiveness:

As a therapist I know forgiveness may not always be an option in certain circumstances- and that’s okay. However, in the situations where forgiveness is applicable and possible, it can be quite powerful for your healing journey. Forgiveness means you are deciding to release your resentment toward someone, give your mind and body more freedom, and doesn’t necessarily require the participation of anyone else but your own.

5. Accountability and ownership:

Resentment typically involves two main characters-and you’re one of them, right? For one example, if you’re someone who chronically people pleases their way out of conflict to achieve temporary comfort, but is left with the inevitable discomfort of abandoning a need in the process, ownership here can be profoundly healing here for both parties. A reminder that conflict-avoidance behaviors can actually increase avoidance in your life in the long run. Therapy is a great space to explore what’s underlying these behaviors and how to heal through them.

Originally published on Thrive Global written by Olivia Verhulst.